Last Halloween was so much fun… Dressed up as zombies, crashed sonic and I flirted with Taylor, ran around a neighborhood being the only & oldest kids trick-or-treating with Miranda, Jesse and Crystal, and crashing Ben’s house while he was pissed off/asleep/depressed and stuff but still managing to have a good time. I miss those memories.
I’m not saying that at some point love isn’t staying up until 2am phone calls or stealing kisses when you least expect it, or instantly falling for each other’s favorite songs because it is, or at least that’s what the lead up to it feels like, but real love, is so much more. It’s going out at 12am to get something to eat for your wife who can’t get out of bed, it’s listening to them as they explode with vulnerability on your living room couch talking about how they were only so young when they’re parents passed on. it’s remembering how someone likes their coffee in the morning without asking—without ever asking, it’s visiting someone in the hospital knowing the last thing you want to do is see them in that condition, it’s wanting to be with that person despite despite everything, the future, the past, and everything in between, it’s the intimate things that you don’t even realize involve such intimacy, but they do, in secret, like the pinky promises you two made behind your back, to love one another for always, in the time you thought you were in love, when you were actually just on your way to it.
seeing you today for the first time since school ended… I don’t know, its left me with an indescribable feeling. and I don’t really like it.
some nights I just need to lay in bed and be sad and listen to sad songs and be nostalgic about everything. I need that alone time to just think about old times and memories with people I love but don’t know anymore. it’s hard but I’m getting used to realizing that sometimes the people that you fight for so bad won’t always fight back and just give up and don’t care anymore. it’s a cold, harsh truth but I’m slowly getting used to it. I really hate growing up.